Ruined by Homeschooling?

As my premiere post/blogging practice, here I want to write about an issue that I recently read about. I was on youtube.com watching a vlog post by unschooleing advocate Dayna Martin (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YfDYMxClEqU). In 2006 she appeared on a daytime talk show called The Dr. Phil show to talk about unschooling. Interested in what she talked about on the show, I searched for information about the episode, and ended up coming across the story of another woman that was on the show who claims that being homeschooled ruined her childhood and caused her to have psychological damage. It was years ago that this person was on the show. I don’t know her. And I don’t know if she has since then gotten over her “problems”. So I don’t believe I have any right to criticize this person personally, nor do I want to. So please consider the following as my response to anybody who might make similar claims. l only want to use this persons actual quotes from the episode as examples. Because I know there are other people out there that say similar things. Not just her. So this is no way an attack on any individual person. And defiantly not an attack on the individual who appeared on the show.

( quote from the time of the episode): “I am now 26 years old, and I constantly hear stories from friends about proms, football games, cheerleading squads and more. I always feel like an outcast because I can never relate.”

Alright. First of all, I know that most people can put together their own idea of what she means by this. But it can still be iffy. So I’ll try to respond to all possible aspects.

Did she mean that she missed out on playing sports such as football or cheerleading? It might be true that she never became involved in sports as a child. But that certainly does not have anything to do with homeschooling. If you want to play a sport, and you don’t, it’s your own fault. It has nothing to do with what kind of school you may or may not attend. I knew some people that were homeschooled, but played on the football team at their local high school. And I personally was very athletic as a child. I played several sports. I participated in most of these sports years before I ever set foot in a traditional public school. It was only after I began attending traditional public school that I had to drop most of my sports and choose only one to continue with. And that was because even though I had to stay in the school building for 8 hours a day, I received so much “home work” that I barely had time after school to do anything else. Plus, some schools have a policy that if you don’t make a certain “grade” you are not even allowed to play on their sports teams. And if you know about how accurate the traditional public school grading system is, that doesn’t make it very fair does it? If school has any effect at all on the sports you play, the effect is that it gets in the way of them, and makes it harder to be a successful athlete. So being homeschooled and the issue of playing sports could not be more unrelated.

Now about the “proms” she points out. If you’re into dancing/dance parties and stuff like that, you should know that that are other places besides schools to attend these types of events. Also, most schools t supply passes to students that allow them to attend the dances/parties even if they don’t attend the school. I know of plenty of people that have brought dates school dances that don’t attend the same school/are homeschooled etc…

Really, it sounds to me like this person wasn’t really interested in football, cheerleading or dancing. If she was, she would have been involved in sports, rather than sitting on a talk show and complaining that she missed out on them. If you are passionate about something, you find a way to make it work for you.

(quote from the episode, referring to what homeschoolers/unschoolers are missing out on): "What I missed most was just the opportunity to learn with other kids."

What with other kids? … Learn with other kids? LEARN WITH OTHER KIDS? Is that what you think happens in traditional public school? Hang on… I have to be immature her for a second… LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
In traditional public school, in most classes, interaction with other kids is highly discouraged. Especially during the time when you are supposed to be “learning”.

“Heads Down, Voices off!”

“Don’t talk to your neighbor!”

“Keep your eyes on your own work!”

“Keep your thoughts to yourself!”

“Let him/her figure it out themselves!”

“Save the socialization for after class!”

That’s just a small taste of some of the “learning with other kids” that happens in traditional public schools. Really, in most traditional classrooms I’ve been in, working together is often referred to as “cheating”.

And if I could insert a personal experience in here for a moment, I attended some pretty awesome elementary school classes when I was of elementary school age. I believe they were called homeschooler co ops? (sp?) These classes were different then what you would find in a traditional classroom. Some of these classes didn’t even need a classroom. We could just as easily meet at a park, library, or museum. The definition of class is “a group of students or pupils who are taught or study together.” The desks, chalkboard, and order are not always necessary. These classes would be filled with students of all different ages. Not just one age group or grade level. I don't remember any rules about not talking or not socializing. And there were no mandatory assignments that we had to complete on our own. All of the students were encouraged to work together. I'm not saying that these classrooms were perfect. But perhaps they are a little closer to what student interaction in the classroom should be.

(quote from the episode, referring to what homeschoolers/unschoolers are missing out on): “I do believe that they're missing the ability to choose on their own who their friends are."

One again. This really has nothing to do with school, or being homeschooled/unschooled. The ability to choose your friends lies with you and you alone. You are either a follower or a leader. You can choose to hang out with the good crowd, the bad crowd, the not so bad crowd, whatever! You are the decision maker in your life. You choose between wrong and right. In reality, traditional schools will only limit the diversity of people you will be around. They can only control you for up to eight hours a day. But during those eight hours the school will choose the people you are with. This usually includes a limited age group of people of the same age as you. While unschoolers, homeschoolers, and even Montessori schoolers will get to learn with diverse group of people of mixed age.
In conclusion, with this issue of being “ruined by homeschooling”, I have yet to see this person provide any examples of problems that were caused or associated with school or homeschooling.

And one last quote by this person: “Even to this day, I think about going to college, but I still need to overcome my fear of stepping into a classroom”.

What she says here really makes me think she has some underlying or undiscovered problem that is completely unrelated to her style of education all together. I never set foot a traditional public school classroom until I was 12 years old. But even then, I had no real “fear of stepping into a classroom.” I mean, of course there is always anxiety about the first day of school. Every kid has that. But fear? I don’t know if I would go as far as to say I was ever afraid to step into a classroom. Perhaps this person has some kind of undiagnosed psychological problem, or another problem with her childhood such as some type of abuse or neglect. But like I said, I don’t know. But I will stand by what I say when I say that she has failed to provide any legitimate reasoning that her problems are a result of homeschooling. I believe the problems that person claims she had are completely unrelated to the style of education she grew up with.